Timeless Dating Advice: Wisdom from Every Season of Life

We're back—or more like I’m back—writing weekly blog posts! If you’ve been following along, you know I had my second baby in November, so it’s taken me a little time to find my rhythm again. Last night, I managed to snag a solid three-hour sleep chunk and hit a total of seven hours—so, I’m feeling surprisingly chipper today! Let’s dive into this week’s topic, which was inspired by one of our incredible support group calls.

If you’ve been here a while, you know how much I love our Monday calls. Our Secret Society Herpes Support Group is a safe space where healing and connection happen every single week. We laugh, share stories, and even exchange holiday recipes. Truly, we’re more than just a support group—we’re family.

This week, the icebreaker question was: "What’s your best dating advice?" Since we had many single members on the call, it was an opportunity for everyone—whether married, divorced, or single—to share their wisdom. The conversation was so enlightening that I had to share it with you, along with a deeper dive into an important question:

Are you dating him or her because they accept your herpes, or because they’re the right person for you?

Let’s explore.

Best Dating Advice from the Support Group

Here’s what some of our members had to say during our call:

Create your own life first and see if they fit into it. Don’t drop everything for someone you’ve been dating for two months. If it doesn’t work out, you’ll feel like your whole world has crumbled.
Know what you want in a partner. If you don’t have clarity, how will you know if the person you’re dating is right for you?
Say yes to dates—even if you don’t think they’re “the one.” Practice makes perfect. Going on dates and meeting people helps you refine what you’re looking for and boosts your confidence.
After the date, ask yourself two questions: Did I have fun? Would I sleep with this person? If the answer to both is yes, go out again. If not, don’t waste your time.
Have the hard conversations early. This isn’t necessarily about herpes but about values, goals, and deal-breakers. Addressing these upfront avoids heartache down the road.

Let’s add a few more pieces of advice:

Take your time to get to know someone. Rushing into a relationship often clouds your judgment. Allow the relationship to unfold naturally.
Don’t settle for less than you deserve. Herpes doesn’t define your worth—don’t let it make you accept less than a loving, fulfilling relationship.
Be honest with yourself and your partner. Authenticity is the foundation of any strong relationship, herpes status included.

The Big Question: Are You Dating Them Just Because They Accept Your Herpes?

One of the hardest parts of dating after a herpes diagnosis is overcoming the fear of rejection. For many of us, the first person who accepts our herpes status feels like a godsend. But here’s the thing: acceptance alone isn’t enough to build a healthy, lasting relationship.

I’ve been there. After spending years in an unhealthy relationship with the person who gave me herpes, I was devastated and lacked the confidence to break free. When I finally did, the first person who accepted my herpes became my lifeline. At the time, that acceptance was everything I needed to rebuild my confidence, even though I knew deep down that he wasn’t “the one.”

Looking back, I realize how important it is to ask yourself:

Am I with this person because they truly align with my values and goals?
Do I see myself building a life with them, through thick and thin?
Is their acceptance of my herpes just one small part of the bigger picture?

Questions to Ask Yourself

If you find yourself wondering whether you’re in a relationship because of herpes acceptance, here are some important questions to consider:

Do I feel valued for who I am as a whole person, not just my herpes status?
Am I compromising my values or settling in other areas of the relationship?
Do we share similar goals, values, and visions for the future?
Am I genuinely happy, or am I just relieved to feel accepted?
If herpes weren’t a factor, would I still choose to be with this person?

Answering these honestly can help you clarify whether your relationship is rooted in true compatibility or simply in relief.

Next Steps

If you’re dating someone because they accept your herpes, that’s okay for now. It might be exactly what you need to regain confidence and heal. But as you grow, take time to reflect on whether the relationship serves your long-term happiness.

Here’s my best advice: trust that your person is out there. The right person will love and cherish you—not despite your herpes but because of the incredible person you are.

True love isn’t reserved for people who are HSV-negative. Your herpes diagnosis can actually act as a filter, helping you weed out people who aren’t in it for the long haul. When you find someone who is, you’ll know—and herpes will be just one small part of your story together.

Need Help Disclosing?

If you’re struggling with disclosure, I’ve got you covered. My Tell Your Partner Toolkit is designed to help you navigate this delicate conversation with confidence and clarity. It’s helped so many of our community members, and I know it can help you too.

As always, my friends, remember that you’re not alone on this journey. You deserve love, happiness, and a partner who truly sees your worth.

Sending you all big hugs,

xoxo Alexandra

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