Embracing Every Part of Your Life: Including Herpes

Wow, friends, it’s the first week of 2025, and it feels so good to be back with you all! Don’t get me wrong, I love the holidays, but I’m definitely ready to know what day it is and maybe cut back on the pumpkin pies and cookies. (Although, if you follow me on Instagram, you might have seen I just baked another batch of chocolate chip cookies—oops!)

As many of you know, I had a baby in early November, and life’s been a bit of a blur. But now that Conrad is two months old, I think we’ve made it through those rough two-hour sleep stints, and I’m ready to recommit to our weekly blog posts. I’ve missed this connection, and I’ve especially loved our support group calls, where we’ve been talking about our New Year’s resolutions and themes for the year.

This week, I want to dive into something I heard in church on Sunday. The message really struck me: Are you showing God your whole life, or just the parts you’re proud of? It made me reflect not only on my faith but also on how we live with herpes. Let’s be real—herpes isn’t something we’re putting on our résumés (okay, maybe I would, but you get my point). For most of us, it’s something we hide, something we’re ashamed of.

It reminds me of those weight-loss commercials where someone’s dragging a scale behind them like a ball and chain. It’s a constant reminder of something they feel defines them in a negative way, holding them back from fully enjoying life. That’s often how herpes feels—like a weight we carry silently. But what happens when we try to ignore or bury it? Let’s talk about why that’s harmful and how embracing every part of who you are, including herpes, can be transformative.

When we’re ashamed of something, our natural tendency is to push it down, ignore it, or promise ourselves we’ll deal with it “later.” But the thing about feelings is they don’t stay buried forever. Eventually, they resurface, often at the worst possible times.

For many people diagnosed with herpes, these feelings come up when they’re ready to start dating and face the daunting task of disclosing their status. Or maybe they’ve gone years without an outbreak and suddenly experience back-to-back outbreaks that feel overwhelming. Some people carry unresolved trauma from their diagnosis but leave the “herpes part” out of their healing journey.

Research shows that unprocessed emotions can have a significant impact on mental and physical health. A study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that avoiding or suppressing negative emotions is linked to increased stress and lower overall well-being. This avoidance doesn’t just affect your mind; it can manifest physically, contributing to issues like herpes outbreaks triggered by stress. 

Additionally, unresolved shame can affect how you see yourself and how you show up in relationships. According to an article in Psychology Today, shame can lead to feelings of unworthiness, which create barriers to intimacy and connection. 

So, how do we break free from this cycle? It starts with acceptance. When you accept herpes as part of your life—just like any other challenge—you take away its power to control you. Instead of being a weight dragging you down, it becomes a part of your story that you own and integrate into who you are.

Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to love having herpes. Let’s be honest, no one’s thrilled about it. But it does mean recognizing that it’s one piece of your life, not the whole picture. By acknowledging and addressing the feelings you’ve buried, you create space for growth and healing.

This is something we talk about often in the Secret Society, our herpes support group. Whether it’s disclosing to a partner, dealing with outbreaks, or processing trauma, the key is to face these challenges head-on with compassion for yourself. And you don’t have to do it alone—that’s what our community is for.

When you stop shunning the parts of yourself you’re ashamed of, something incredible happens: you grow. Instead of feeling like herpes is a weight dragging you down, you start to see it as a reminder of your strength, resilience, and ability to overcome challenges.

This doesn’t mean you have to broadcast your diagnosis to the world (unless you want to, of course!). But it does mean being honest with yourself and embracing all the parts of your life—messy, beautiful, and everything in between. When you do that, the big herpes “trigger” loses its power. It no longer paralyzes you because you’ve already accepted it as part of who you are.

As always, my friends, I’d love to continue this conversation with you. If you’re not already part of the Secret Society, now is the perfect time to join. We have two meetings every week with people from all over the world, different ages, and walks of life. Together, we navigate this journey with honesty, support, and love.

Here’s to embracing every part of who you are in 2025. 💕

Hugs,

Alexandra