It Is What It Is

Wow, what a week! Our support group had the absolute pleasure of welcoming a surprise guest speaker—one of our members’ moms, who happens to be a retired OBGYN. Her presence brought a fresh perspective to the medical side of living with herpes, and the opportunity to ask her questions was invaluable. But before we dive into all the incredible insights she shared, I want to take a moment to acknowledge the beautiful energy in our community this week.

I was thrilled to see new faces joining our call! There’s something magical about watching our longtime members—some of whom have been with us for five years or more—welcome new members with open arms and hearts. Whether you've been part of this group for years or are joining for the first time, I want to say thank you. Thank you for your courage, for showing up to heal, and for supporting one another. You remind me every week why this community is so special. Together, we’re creating a space where a herpes diagnosis isn’t the end of the story—it’s the beginning of growth, healing, and transformation.

One recurring theme during this week’s call was the phrase, “It is what it is.” It’s something our guest speaker, the retired OBGYN, mentioned multiple times as she shared her perspective on herpes. One of our attendees also reflected on how often he’s heard this phrase since his diagnosis, especially from his girlfriend and in our group discussions.

At first, it might sound dismissive, but let’s unpack it a bit. The phrase doesn’t mean your diagnosis is insignificant or invalid. Instead, it challenges us to release blame and shame. None of us signed up for herpes. None of us “did something wrong” to deserve it. It’s just something that happened—something that is.

And yet, how often do we find ourselves spiraling? When we’re hit with an outbreak (or multiple back-to-back outbreaks), it’s easy to fall into patterns of guilt, anger, or resentment. We start questioning our worth, our future, and whether we’ll ever live a “normal” life again. But here’s a thought: what if we stopped fighting against reality and instead leaned into acceptance?

Accepting that it is what it is doesn’t mean giving up. It means shifting our focus. Instead of dwelling on the “why me?” of herpes, we can ask, “How can I use this to grow?” What if this diagnosis is an invitation to make positive changes in your life—whether that’s eating healthier, setting boundaries, or reconnecting with your faith? Many members of our community have shared stories of transformative growth, and every time, I’m in awe. They’ve quit smoking, given up heavy drinking, found new confidence in saying no to toxic relationships, and embraced a deeper connection with themselves and their purpose.

One of the most impactful moments from our call came when our guest OBGYN asked, “If you had 24 hours left to live, what would you be doing?”

It’s a powerful question. When you really think about it, herpes wouldn’t even make the list of concerns. You wouldn’t be worried about outbreaks, disclosure, or rejection. Instead, you’d focus on what truly matters: spending time with loved ones, eating your favorite foods, tackling that bucket list, or simply enjoying the little things in life—like a swim in the ocean or a laugh with friends.

This question is a reminder that herpes is not the defining feature of your life. It’s just a small piece of the puzzle. So why let it take up more mental space than it deserves? Why let it steal your joy, your confidence, or your time?

One point our guest speaker made really stuck with me: your mind has the power to shift your reality. She explained how different perspectives can create entirely different experiences of the same situation. For example, one version of yourself might wear glasses, while another doesn’t. The same concept applies to how you approach life with herpes.

What if you decided to step into a version of yourself who lives herpes-free—not literally, but mentally and emotionally? This version of you isn’t consumed by the fear of rejection, the worry of another outbreak, or the need for constant acceptance. Instead, this version of you is confident, loved unconditionally, and thriving. When a negative thought about herpes pops up, you have the power to shift it. Replace it with gratitude for your growth, compassion for yourself, and joy for the life you’re living.

This mindset shift is one of the most beautiful transformations I’ve witnessed in our community. Time and time again, members go from feeling overwhelmed and broken to finding peace and confidence. And when that happens, herpes becomes just one small detail in a much bigger, brighter life.

This week’s call was truly one for the books. Huge thanks to our OBGYN mom for sharing her wisdom, answering our questions, and reminding us of the power of positivity and acceptance. Her insights left us all with a sense of peace and clarity, and for that, we’re so grateful.

If you’ve been thinking about joining our support group but haven’t taken the leap yet—what are you waiting for? This is a safe, welcoming space where you’ll find support, community, and so much more. We’d love to have you join us on this journey. Click here to learn more about the Secret Society Support Group.

As always, I’m sending you big hugs and blessings. I hope to see you on our next call. Until then, remember: it is what it is—and you’re so much more.

xoxo,

Alexandra