015: You Are Not A Slut If You Have Herpes With Alexandra Harbushka
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Welcome to episode 15 of Life With Herpes, thank you for being here! Today’s show is about a topic that has my blood boiling! It pisses me off and I was so riled up when I was researching and recording this show.
So what is the topic that has me so fired up? The idea that if you have herpes you must be a slut, a swinger, or a philanderer. Obviously, that’s not true. But where did this rumor, this stigma start? I dig into the origin of this topic and why this myth is wrong, and what to do about it on episode 15 of Life With Herpes.
The first and foremost thing I have to say about this idea that you are a slut or a cheater or are “dirty” in some way because you have herpes is that it is bullshit. I mean who cares! Who cares who you slept with, why you slept with them, when you slept with them, how many partners you've had - who cares?! The virus doesn’t care!
But why does this idea persist? I think the reason these derogatory names are associated with herpes dates back to an article written by Time magazine in the early 1980s. The cover story proclaimed herpes as the new scarlet letter. Now before this article came out herpes wasn't that big of a deal. But after it was published all of that changed - keep in mind that the drug companies needed to create a need for their drug. I mean herpes isn't life-threatening, it doesn't change anything. it's basically a skin disease, but the media created a whirlwind! And that whirlwind put people in a category and made them feel terrible for getting it.
Since then a stigma has been created about people with herpes, which as I said before is complete BS. The virus doesn't care who you slept with, when you slept with them, or how many people you slept with. It only cares about having a new host, and absolutely nothing else! But this stigma has been thriving because of the idea that there’s something “wrong” with someone who has herpes, so that person needs to keep it a secret. When you get herpes you feel that stigma attached to you and you want to keep your diagnosis secret.
However, if you stop and think about it any time we have sex there's a risk of pregnancy and there's always the risk of getting an STD of some sort whether it’s HIV, herpes, gonorrhea, etc. Even if you wait to have sex til your wedding night you can still get an STD if your partner has had sex with other people before you.
You could be a virgin and the first time you have sex you could catch herpes if your partner has been with others before you. So it's not fair to call someone a slut for getting herpes or any other STD, you are not a slut if you get herpes.
I dug into this article a bit more and found a quote from a woman who was married and got herpes from her husband who cheated. Someone told her she'd never get married again because she has herpes! Can you believe that?! That’s complete nonsense and is a terrible thing to say to another person.
In fact, it’s that kind of attitude that perpetuates the stigma of herpes which makes fewer and fewer people want to talk about having it. And the more people with herpes keep silent the more it strengthens the stigma and allows the virus to continue to spread! It's a vicious cycle.
And that’s one of the reasons I have this podcast: to stop the stigma, to educate people and to help them educate their partner, their children and their loved ones on how to avoid getting it. I also want people to know you can still fall in love, get married, have children and have all of your dreams come true. Herpes does NOT make you a slut, a prostitute, a swinger, or brand you with a scarlet letter.
Now I want to hear from you - what do you think? Join our secret FB group and let me know your thoughts after you listen to episode 15 of Life With Herpes.
Episode Resources
Philanderers, Hookers, & Sluts Are The Assumption
Welcome to episode 15 of Life With Herpes, thank you for being here! Today’s show is about a topic that has my blood boiling! It pisses me off and I was so riled up when I was researching and recording this show.
So what is the topic that has me so fired up? The idea that if you have herpes you must be a slut, a swinger, or a philanderer. Obviously, that’s not true. But where did this rumor, this stigma start? I dig into the origin of this topic and why this myth is wrong, and what to do about it on episode 15 of Life With Herpes.
More About Life With Herpes
The first and foremost thing I have to say about this idea that you are a slut or a cheater or are “dirty” in some way because you have herpes is that it is bullshit. I mean who cares! Who cares who you slept with, why you slept with them, when you slept with them, how many partners you've had - who cares?! The virus doesn’t care!
But why does this idea persist? I think the reason these derogatory names are associated with herpes dates back to an article written by Time magazine in the early 1980s. The cover story proclaimed herpes as the new scarlet letter. Now before this article came out herpes wasn't that big of a deal. But after it was published all of that changed - keep in mind that the drug companies needed to create a need for their drug. I mean herpes isn't life-threatening, it doesn't change anything. it's basically a skin disease, but the media created a whirlwind! And that whirlwind put people in a category and made them feel terrible for getting it.
Since then a stigma has been created about people with herpes, which as I said before is complete BS. The virus doesn't care who you slept with, when you slept with them, or how many people you slept with. It only cares about having a new host, and absolutely nothing else! But this stigma has been thriving because of the idea that there’s something “wrong” with someone who has herpes, so that person needs to keep it a secret. When you get herpes you feel that stigma attached to you and you want to keep your diagnosis secret.
Tweetable: “There is no reason to feel dirty, or shameful.” - Alexandra Harbushka
However, if you stop and think about it any time we have sex there's a risk of pregnancy and there's always the risk of getting an STD of some sort whether it’s HIV, herpes, gonorrhea, etc. Even if you wait to have sex til your wedding night you can still get an STD if your partner has had sex with other people before you.
You could be a virgin and the first time you have sex you could catch herpes if your partner has been with others before you. So it's not fair to call someone a slut for getting herpes or any other STD, you are not a slut if you get herpes.
I dug into this article a bit more and found a quote from a woman who was married and got herpes from her husband who cheated. Someone told her she'd never get married again because she has herpes! Can you believe that?! That’s complete nonsense and is a terrible thing to say to another person.
In fact, it’s that kind of attitude that perpetuates the stigma of herpes which makes fewer and fewer people want to talk about having it. And the more people with herpes keep silent the more it strengthens the stigma and allows the virus to continue to spread! It's a vicious cycle.
And that’s one of the reasons I have this podcast: to stop the stigma, to educate people and to help them educate their partner, their children and their loved ones on how to avoid getting it. I also want people to know you can still fall in love, get married, have children and have all of your dreams come true. Herpes does NOT make you a slut, a prostitute, a swinger, or brand you with a scarlet letter.
Now I want to hear from you - what do you think? Join our secret FB group and let me know your thoughts after you listen to episode 15 of Life With Herpes.
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