Embracing Self-Worth and Acceptance: Transforming Life with Herpes through Support and Self-Discovery

This week on our support group call, we had some great conversations about acceptance, self-worth, and dating. Of course, it started off with talking about herpes and some herpes-related questions, but as we dove deeper into the conversation, I wanted to outline how getting herpes was an opportunity given to us to learn our self-worth.

Understanding Self-Worth Through the Pennies Analogy

Let's use the example of pennies. It takes 100 pennies to make one dollar. Our goal is to get to the dollar. When we're diagnosed with herpes, all we want is for it to be over, all we want is to have a cure, all we want is to be accepted by a partner, all we want is to wake up and for it to be over in the morning. But guess what? It doesn't work that way. Herpes is the scum of all STIs; it isolates you, pushes you down, makes you feel unworthy of anything, especially love. It makes you feel like you have sinned and will never be forgiven. It is a huge wake-up call that brings all of your insecurities to your face and just haunts you at two o'clock in the morning. Does that sound about right?

So, back to the pennies. When you're diagnosed with herpes, you show up somewhere along the line with your pennies. Some of us are in deficit and have a negative amount of pennies, some show up with a few like 10, others are halfway there around 50, and some of us don't have too far to go with our healing process and are around 80. I'm using this analogy because it makes it easy for us to understand why some of us on our healing journey seem to be able to heal so much faster than others, while for some of us it takes years.

Personal Journey and Challenges

For me personally, it took me two years to begin to feel like myself again. I don't know where my penny count was, but I'd guess it was in the deficit. I was absolutely beat down, broken, and crushed. I was in a dark place and felt like I was struggling to breathe. But I knew that I didn't want to live life like this and I didn't want to continue to be this way. I also knew that nobody was going to fix it for me. There was no magic pill, no cure, and no boyfriend that was going to make it right. What I needed to do was rewire my belief system and rewrite my future. I knew that if I didn't, I'd continue to date the same guy but it would be with a different face.

Steps to Improve Self-Worth and Healing

Today in the support group call, someone asked me how I did it. Well, here's what I'd suggest, and this is what you need to get crystal clear on.

Step 1: Know What You Want

Firstly, know what you want. What is it that you want? Sometimes we get scared to admit what it is that we want because either society has told us that we can't have it, maybe our parents told us we can't have it, or maybe we feel that we don't deserve it. But if you don't know what you want, then you're not going to get out of the place where you're at.

Step 2: Own Your Desires

Secondly, when you realize what it is that you want, own it. Get excited about it. Feel it and believe that it's possible. At this point, your ego might set in and all of your old beliefs might come in to tell you why you can't have it, why you don't deserve it, or why it's impossible for you to have it. That's okay; it's just your ego doing its job and trying to keep you safe where you're at.

Step 3: Consider the Consequences of Not Achieving Your Desires

Third, one great way to help you conquer your desires is to write out the consequences of not getting what you want. What are the long-term consequences? For example, if you want to get married to someone who you are wildly crazy about and want an unconditionally supportive, loving relationship, then write out all the consequences of not having this.

Examples:

So many times, when we look at the consequences of not following our hearts and doing what we want, we realize that wow...look at what this life would be like or that life. Instead of looking at having herpes as being in the negative with your pennies while everyone else is walking around with dollars, I want you to know that you have been given this amazing opportunity to work through your insecurities and limiting beliefs that are holding you back. This is the opportunity for you to absolutely go out and create the life you want, deserve, and become the bold, confident, and caring best version of yourself.

The Role of the Support Group

Honestly, a lot of this healing happens in our support group. I wish I had it when I was first diagnosed with herpes. My journey probably wouldn't have been two years...but who knows? It was my journey, and I'm proud that I was on it. I don't want you to feel like you're stuck all alone on the Oregon Trail, dying on the vine. The Life With Herpes community is here for you when you're ready, and myself and the other members can't wait to see you in the support group when you're ready.

Realizing that you are hurting yourself by dating someone who accepts you, as opposed to going for what you truly want, is crucial. Lack of self-acceptance, belief, self-worth, fear of a relationship, feeling like you were told to be independent and don't need anyone, and now believing that because you have herpes, you don't deserve someone special—these are all misconceptions. You deserve to date someone who accepts you and loves you for who you are.

Join our support group and start your journey to self-worth and acceptance today.

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