3 Hard Words You Have To Say With Herpes

Is it harder to say I love you or I have herpes?

Let’s talk about those three little words that are brought up when you’re dating.

So I overheard someone say that it's so hard to say those three little words. I immediately thought of the words I LOVE YOU.  Right? I mean wouldn't you? We’ve been so marketed to by hallmark and diamonds are for every type of campaigns that when we think of the three little words we think of  I LOVE YOU. But as the conversation continued and I heard the three words they were not I love you but were I HAVE HERPES. I honestly can’t remember where I heard this but I thought it was a great question and even better for us to have a discussion about. Right?

So the thought crossed my mind, is it harder to say I love you or I have herpes? I’ll share my personal experiences with the words I love you and my experience with I have herpes. Both are equally important words and both can change the course of your relationship. 

I mean if you say, “ I love you” too early in a relationship it can be doomed. I mean you might send the other person running for the hills or heck, you might even be that person running. Lol… we’ve all been the person who is the stage five clinger and all about the I love yous way to soon and we’ve all been on the receiving end of that I love you when suddenly there’s an awful gulp in your throat.  Regardless the three little words are very strategic. 

Now let’s talk about saying, “I have herpes” too soon. Because of the herpes stigma that’s not something you can just drop on someone.  Think about it, the same thing can happen as I love you. Some people will run away as fast as they can and others will be totally fine with it. But a ton of it has to do with how and when you say it. 

So in my personal experiences, I’d tell guys I have herpes without even thinking about it. Whether this is right or wrong I’d use it as a way to get out of sleeping with them. Again… don’t judge me for it. And of course sometimes my plan would backfire on me and I would have to come up with some other excuse...lol. 

But there were two men that I dated and wanted to date and wanted to sleep with that I had both conversations with. One is my ex-boyfriend and the other was my husband. Obviously, we know how it turned out with my husband, Bill.  But don’t worry, I’ll share that story too. 

When it came time to tell my ex-boyfriend that I had herpes I was really nervous. We’d been dating for about 3 months but we’d known each other for a number of years so I felt pretty comfortable with him. But still we were dating for 3 months and I wasn’t sure where our relationship was going. Were we just yoga, Saturday farmers market, and dinner date friends or were we going to take our relationship to the next level and have sex? I knew I couldn't just put in his court and see if he made a move. If I waited for him to make the move I’d feel like it would have been a bad time to have the I Have Herpes convo. Right? So I decided to tell him over dinner one Saturday night. We were at a local San Diego restaurant across the street from my house, Bankers Hill Bar. It’s so good by the way and totally get the burger! Anyway, we were having dinner and I decided to tell him. I said, “I have herpes.” And then went eek in my mind. I have to say telling him that I have herpes was not only more difficult than saying I love you to him but the most difficult guy to tell. I honestly can’t remember when we started saying I love you. He probably said it first but it could be the other way around. I really can’t remember.  But we dated for three years so obviously the I have herpes conversation went well. He did a really good job of asking questions, trusting me and at the end of the day, he wanted to be with me and didn’t care. Also, he never got herpes. We had a great relationship and we both were open and communicated. In this particular situation having the “I Have Herpes,” talk was much harder. 

Now let’s talk about my husband, Bill. Before I started writing this and prepping for the post I brought this up to Bill. I said, “what do you think of this topic?”Do you like the idea of I love you and I have herpes? What was so interesting is we started to talk about our relationship. And I realized that telling Bill I love him and telling Bill that I have herpes were both easy conversations. I mean really easy. Why? Probably because I knew in my heart and soul that we loved each other and I knew that having herpes didn't matter. I also had done a ton of work on myself and truly believed that if anyone didn’t love everything about me including herpes he wasn’t worth my time. And I knew that Bill loved all of me. 

Ok.. so I know you’re like get to the story about telling Bill. Well, I can remember right where I was when I told him I loved him and right where I was when I told him I have herpes. Both were beautiful moments. When I told Bill I have herpes, we weren't dating we weren't even together. We worked together and our work team was like family. So Bill noticed that something wasn’t right and asked what was wrong. This was the day that I was diagnosed with herpes so clearly, I was at my lowest point. I told him, “I have herpes” and I collapsed on the floor crying. He was so sweet and said you’re a strong and beautiful person you will get through this and I ‘m here for you. I consider you my family so please let me know if there’s anything I can do.” I still have the voicemail he left me after this conversation. It was so touching. 

Let me fast forward a couple of years to the I love you. So I’m sure you can imagine that when I told  Bill I loved him there was no big lump in my throat or bad feeling in my tummy. It was the exact opposite and I couldn't wait to tell him that I loved him. So it happened when we were having a conversation about dating. We weren't dating yet and were having the adult conversation about it. You know how that goes, once you date it changes the course of your and we wanted to make sure we discussed it all. So in that conversation I just blurted out, I Love You!” And Bill looked up at me and said, “I love you too!” It was natural and not hard to say. It was a precious moment. 

Ok so to wrap this up...I’m going to throw the question back to you? I’ve had all the combinations of the I Love You’s and the I have herpes convos. All of them were unique and all of them happened at the right time for where we were in the relationship. So what do you think is harder? Have you had the conversations? Let me know. 

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Xoxo,

Alexandra

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