Herpes, Dating & Taking Control Of Your Sexual Health

In the Life With Herpes community, the number one question I get has to do with dating. The questions range from will I ever date again, will anyone ever love me, how do I tell my partner and anything in between. 

So here’s the answers….Yes, you’ll date. Yes, you’ll find love. Yes you’ll get the courage to tell the cute person your dating. And Yes you’ll have sex again!!! PROMISE!

There’s good news when it comes to dating with herpes. I’m being serious.  

The good news is you now are in control of your sexual health. I’ll speak for myself but I’m guessing you’ll fall into this category too. So before being diagnosed with herpes, I knew what herpes was and I knew about STD’s. I was very educated in this because I taught for planned parenthood.However,  even though I knew everything I still believed that I was immune to everything because I’d never sleep with anyone who had anything. I believe I’d just know by looking at them. Feel free in insert an eye roll right now!

Because we have herpes it’s our wakeup call to be in control. I see it time and time again where people didn’t ask their partner about their sexual health or they didn’t use protection because they were like me and thought it’d never happen to them.  Or it was an uncomfortable conversation so they didn’t have it. As we know its all BS!!!!! I’m guessing these things didn’t happen because you were either insecure or trusted that person. And trust me I’m 100% guilty of both things. 

Like I mentioned earlier I never thought I’d get any type of STD because I would never sleep with anyone dirty or slimy that had it.What a Pollyanna move. 

All that needed to happen was to have a conversation. All that needed to happen was standing up for my health and lay out my requirements for a safe sexual relationship. Please keep in mind that my requirements may be totally different from your’s and that’s awesome. What needs to happend is to have them and stick to them. 

Here’s what you need to do…

Have the sex talk!

It’s as simple and as difficult as that! Have the sex talk prior to having sex with a new partner or a blast from the past. Just because you already slept with someone 6 months ago doesn’t mean that you’re still in the safe zone. 

Personally I’d sit down and decide what you feel comfortable with. Some questions to ask yourself are; do you want your sexual relationship to be monogamous or are you both exploring other options. Is the sex just causal or are you looking for a more serious commitment. Don’t be afraid to stand up for what you feel you deserve and want. 

Then when you’ve decided what you want from the relationship its a great way to open the conversation about sex. Bring up that you like them and you want to take this to the next level, so it’s important to have a conversation about it. 

At this point I’d ask my partner to have an STD test done before getting naked with them. Even if we’re planning to use a condom. Why go to that measure? Because sometimes people don’t know they have an infection, let’s face it people lie and condoms only work 30-50% of the time. So...why take the risk. Your health and well being is way to important. 

If you don’t stand up for yourself then nobody else will. 

Sex can still be fun and spontaneous and hot!!! What makes it even better is knowing that you both are being safe and are being responsible. 

Let me know your thoughts and let me know how you proceed.

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Xoxo,

Alexandra

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