Dating

Before getting herpes or a STD/STI I was terrified of getting one, especially herpes. I mean look at what the stigma says about people who have herpes. They are disgusting, they have slept around, they are whores that got this because they did something wrong and now they are paying for it and it can go on and on. Obviously I don’t beige this stigma and neither should you. 

In case you didn’t know I was actually a sexual educator back in high school. I went through training organized by Plann…

Now that we have herpes one of the biggest fears is disclosing to a partner. I know this was my big fear and why I stayed the the guy I got herpes from for 2 years. I was so paralysed with fear of the rejection that I didn’t think anyone would ever want to date me because I was used goods. In fact this is the number one question I get from you all, whether it be in our weekly support groups or in DM’s or in the comments. The fear of disclosing just stops us. 

Let me just get to the point ther…

Now that we have herpes we want to know what the chances are that we’re going to transmit herpes to our partner. I get asked this daily on my lives and in the comments. There is the preconceived thought that if you have herpes you’re contagious all the time and you’ll have outbreaks all the time and that your entire body is contagious. I can happily tell you that that is not true. 

Here’s how it works. 

Firstly, your entire body is not contagious. I’ve been asked by people who are newly diag…

With herpes being so common it’s actually rare to find someone without it. I hear time and time again from people who are just diagnosed with herpes, or if they haven’t processed their herpes diagnosis, say that their partner should go find someone without herpes. Or when a rejection happens the person is thinking that it's going to be way easier to find someone else without herpes. 

Well, the truth is that the majority of the population has herpes. Here me out. 

Honestly it’s hard to get an…

It’s totally possible and your dating life can be totally normal. In general we put so much on our plate to date. Things like: he has to be the one, or I’m so tired of dating immature people, are there any good ones left out there, ugh, here we go again and so on. We females put pressure on ourselves to find a good one and settle down, it’s what society expects from us. Regardless there is pressure from all angles to date and find someone. 

Then we also have the pressure of the casual sex. Th…

Can you have sex if you have a herpes outbreak? Well yes and no. Let me explain.

Let’s back up a bit and talk about how herpes is transmitted. Herpes is transmitted via skin to skin. So what that means is that if you only have oral herpes and you have an oral outbreak, you are contagious only on your mouth. And vice a versa, if you have genital herpes and not oral herpes, then you are only contagious genitally. 

So is it possible to have sex with a herpes outbreak, well let’s define sex and …

Yes, of course you can. But before you hit the sheets with your partner let’s talk about some details first.

One of the biggest fears or thoughts are about having sex when you’ve been diagnosed with herpes is that you’ll have to use a condom for the rest of your life. 

The other day I was listening to a podcast and the woman called on and said that she was interested in a guy but he has genital herpes. She naturally was concerned and proceeding very cautiously. I mean, I totally get it. One …

Recently on social media someone commented on my live and said that if I hadn’t been so promiscuous I wouldn't have gotten herpes. 

There’s a lot of ways we can dissect this comment. Also, instead of going off on this man I used it as a learning opportunity to talk about how promiscuity has nothing to do with getting herpes. 

However, I’m going to contradict myself really quickly here. On some level it is a numbers game. So the person who has sex with 100 people is far more likley to have he…